As a teen, and even into young adulthood, I often responded in destructive ways to pain. There was an unrest and even torment within me that would not go away. Though I tried with the usual means of mind altering chemicals and intimate ‘relationships’, these were not effective, and ultimately caused more pain.
I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 19, about a year after an abortion. My life was so broken by various life occurrences and my responses to them, that I thought I’d never get free. Recklessness and self-destructive tendencies continued in other ways after that for a time, as did the guilt with them. Emotions can get out of control, maybe more so in very sensitive people and those who have been through various kinds of abuse. The words of David the psalmist, in Ps. 73: 21-22, have brought comfort to me many times in working through those emotions.
Ps.73: 21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, 22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you (NIV)
David found himself to be in a humbling position more than once, and yet he is still called a man after God’s own heart. The Psalms are full of the ups and downs of a man pouring his heart out to a loving God. Don’t be afraid to come to God. He knows that we are but dust. He offers hope and healing. We do have to give an account for our choices, but A broken and repentant heart He does not turn away.
Melicia Evans 