The book that I am writing is about inner healing, deliverance, and how our identity can be rewritten through those. Saturday morning I was thinking about how we often think of inner wounds as those which have been inflicted by others. We may not think as much, about wounds which are self inflicted, or those due to just doing life. Minutes later I was headed out to my vehicle to leave, and I tripped and fell. My freshly poured cup of coffee went everywhere. My cup went flying, but fortunately, landed in the grass and didn’t break. (It is one of my favorite handmade cups.) I landed on my hands and knee, which then hurt for a while afterwards. To make matters worse, I said something besides, “Praise God”. It wasn’t a swear word, but one we substitute for a swear word, which I’m not sure is a whole lot better. I immediately thought, “Why did I say that?” I recognized my heart in the matter. I didn’t intend to hurt myself, nor did I intend to say anything. “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” I want the overflow to bless God, to be Jesus. I don’t feel condemnation on this, but a desire to rise higher, a desire for Jesus to come out at every chance.
Since then, my knee has been a reminder of the wounds related to ‘just doing life’. People carry physical wounds for long periods from car accidents, fires, and other things. Wounds of the heart are mostly invisible. We may not know or even remember their original source. Sometimes, we can make matters worse, by adding self inflicted wounds in reaction to another wound. It reminds me of a dog that will attack you when you try to help him. I have been comforted by the words of Ps. 73:21-22, knowing that I am not alone.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
God sees, cares, and is interested in your healing. When we allow him to heal all those places, we will then be able extend healing to those around us, rather than more brokenness.
Melicia Evans 