When you are in the healing process, there may be times that the progress that you have made can look like it disappeared. This is not true.
Anxiety sneaks in and takes your breath away. Sadness comes in a moment and tells you that it’s going to stay. Identity lies can trickle back in and tell you that you have no value. In the moment it may seem very convincing that the progress wasn’t really progress at all until…
Until you see that what may have once lasted for months or weeks decreased to days. Then you see that days are shortened to hours or maybe even minutes. When you can get back up on your feet in a shorter period of time that is a sign of healing. A step back is not a sign of failure. Like in boxing, you may get knocked down several times. Don’t stay down. Get back up and swing again. Keep getting back up.
Eventually, in difficult moments you may notice that the heaviness isn’t quite as all-consuming. There may still be hurt, but there is a light of hope that wasn’t there before. This is healing. It’s a journey. One step in front of the other, you will get there.
You may not be like me, but I have been awful at least inwardly if not outwardly when I was hurting. A scripture that I have held close for many years is Ps.73:21-24.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
This was given to me when I had only been a Christian for a couple of years. I could be quite abusive to myself, especially inwardly. At the same time, I could be quite angry and scared of God and others. Most of this went on inside my soul. I would cut myself off from others and didn’t share a lot of what was going on inside. One day a man gave me this verse from the Lord. I didn’t know at the time how much I would need it in the years to come. I didn’t know that my healing journey would take the time that it has. The reason it took so long was that I began the healing journey and then got myself into a situation that brought new wounds.
I have been senseless and ignorant. I have been a brute beast before him. Still, he never leaves me nor forsakes me. His love and faithfulness absolutely wreck me. I continue to be amazed and in awe of his goodness. He loves you the same. The lengths that he will go to show you. I don’t know about you, but most parents would not give up one of their children if they had a dozen. They certainly wouldn’t give the only child up to die and watch them suffer for someone else.
He is faithful to bring you through what he brought you to. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep going. Healing isn’t always a linear path. Sometimes it winds, circles, and even backtracks a bit. Blessings friend.
(The acrylic painting above is one that I am working on and almost finished, Untitled Kingfisher.)
Melicia Evans 