The Bee and The Cliff

When I was in my late teens, some friends and I went to the lake in the mountains of Arizona. The place was unfamiliar to me. There were two cliffs that the others were jumping off of. One was a very high cliff that one of the guys actually ended up with a spine injury from. The shorter was about 50 feet high. That is the one that I went up to go off of.

            The guys were telling stories of huge fish sitting near the bottom of the lake on the way there. I didn’t know how much of their stories were made up, but my imagination was filling up, and I didn’t like what was in there. The three of them jumped off rather quickly, but I stayed on the cliff, thinking it over. Pretty soon a bee came buzzing around my feet. I stepped away from it, but it stayed near me wherever I moved. Before long I was more scared of getting stung by the bee than jumping off.

            So that’s how I finally took the leap. Recently, that image has come back to me, as I have put off jumping into something I know I have to do. It’s been on my heart for quite some time. God has let the circumstances get uncomfortable enough, so that I am forced to do it. I wish it didn’t require that, but sometimes it does. Right now, as much as I hate it, I am thankful for that bee. I hate speaking in front of people as much as being stung. When my thoughts, and the conversation inside my head, have gotten louder than what I was saying, it’s tripped me up a few times. For the last several years, I’ve been teaching community art classes to Kindergarten-9. One of the places that I teach has closed classes since last March. Now, my main teaching job is replacing paid teachers with volunteers. I understand their position as they run on donations. With so many businesses feeling the pain of Covid, that gets passed on. We’ve all had to make some kind of adjustments in the last year. I’ve desired to offer painting classes online to help people with stress, but have struggled with the whole speaking online thing. As a single mom, I’m getting ready to jump in out of necessity. It’s just another place to trust God.

            But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2Cor. 12:9 ESV)

            Then, when things seem really hard I think of and pray Mark 9:24,

Immediately, the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

(Photo from Pixabay)

Stress and Worry Relief

I’ve been thinking a lot about emotions and the struggle many are having with depression and anxiety today. I’d like to share some things that God has given me to work through these things. Though I still have times that I struggle, it is no comparison to what it once was. For many years I asked for God’s help in overcoming the strength of my emotions. Funny enough, it was in 2020, the year of chaos that I received my biggest breakthrough.

            First, here is a few simple things that you can put your energy into. Putting mental energy into something positive helps to take energy away from stress. There is much energy in anxiety, so I have found that keeping my body and mind busy helps.

Art and other creativity:

Doodling or painting keeps hands moving and you can use different drawing tools to focus on the lines, shapes, and colors you’re making on the paper. You can also write a message or letter to yourself or someone else and paint over it. We can use colors to communicate a feeling. Visual journaling helps in the same way. Write a story or a song, creativity can be a great release.

Exercise, getting out in nature:

This works great. I don’t do this as much in colder months, but when I do the difference is noticeable. Just spending time in nature alone can be healing.

Focal Point:

This is the only thing I got out of Lamaze when I was pregnant. God has brought this truth back to me in a variety of ways. What you focus on matters. Humans seem to tend to focus more on the negative. Whether you are driving or skydiving or whatever, you tend to follow what you have your eye on. Peter began to sink when his eye left Jesus and focused on the wind and waves.

I’m sure that you’ve heard of deep breathing techniques to focus on your breathing rather than the pressing stress of the moment.

Pray, declare the word of God:

One day, God brought these things together for me as I was super anxious and having trouble breathing normally or focusing. I began to blurt out scripture without really giving thought to what I was saying. The bible is not a magic concoction. It is food for our entire being (Mt. 4:04).

These are a few verses that I use often:

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isa. 53:5)

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” (Jn. 14:27)

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil.4:7)

            When I became aware or what I was doing, I stopped, breathed deeply, and focused directly on the Word of God I was speaking. I focused on breathing that word in. Pretty soon instead of the stress that had been before me, I began to see what a good Father God is. He loves us so much that he cares about our hearts, minds, and souls. As I continued doing this, a deep peace came over me. Then, it became a time of worship. Those times of worship are where I have had the most significant and lasting breakthroughs and healing. Worship is a place where we can rest and let go of those things we are holding onto. God longs for relationship with you. Relationships are built by spending time together. Most people wouldn’t be content to spend an hour or two a week or less with their husband or wife. Neither does God. He calls the church his bride. This is an intimate relationship, not a distant one.

Remember, you can give your worries to God, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

(The image above was taken last summer near our local 4-H. It’s a great place to sit and draw.)

Healing in Surrender

I remember when I would be praising in church, and a thought would hit me and knock me out of that place of focus on the Lord. Suddenly, I would feel shame and the need to pull away and hide. My arms that had been raised would come down, and inside the battle went. Sometimes the anxiety was so strong, I’d go to the bathroom and fight with my thoughts there. There were other times, early on, that I just left church and went home. This wasn’t the only place that this battle went on, but it was one place that I really did not want it to be.

For years I sought healing. I did experience some big breakthroughs after I gave my life to Jesus at 19, but it only went so far and hit a barrier. Six years after being born again, I slid back. I tried to get what I wanted my own way, instead of waiting for the Lord. I returned to him a short time later, but the issues that were already there were multiplied. Eventually, I came to believe that the mental and emotional torment that I struggled with were just a part of me. Maybe there was no cure. Maybe this was my thorn. Maybe it was just me that was wrong.

It didn’t get better. For years it got worse. A difficult marriage was added to an unhealed childhood. Then, God came in the place of surrender. I was broken, and I couldn’t bring it together. He met me in the place of worship. I must have looked like a one of those who have been in a chimney, in the middle of ash. That’s what I felt like. That’s what my heart felt like. My marriage was killing me. I was seeing my children go through hard stuff. My own childhood was mixing in it. Unable to cope, I could do nothing but worship. It was hard to pray, but when I praised, it all came out. He comforted me. He became my hiding place. Afterwards, I would leave a little bit lighter.

That place of shame would come back again in worship. Then shame would open up to fear. Fortunately, perfect love casts out all fear.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (1 Jn. 4:18)

God is faithful. There is no place that we can go, that love will no go further still. He loves us, and he is patient. One day, again, I was in that place of praising and it happened. This time I was reminded, of when I asked him to come into my life. Prior to that point he knew everything I had ever done, and everything I would ever do after. He once told me that there was nothing that he would not forgive me of. It finally came together. We are deeply loved and cherished.

Now when I’m praising, and those reminders come back of a painful past, I open my arms higher or wider. I am reminded that I am loved, and I offer those things to him to deal with. Sometimes the enemy needs to be told to shut up. Sometimes God may have to heal and deal with our hearts.

The maker of your heart can be trusted above all others.

(The photo above was taken at Maxwell lake in Kansas.)

“God Will Provide”

This is a painting based on an image that I woke up to last summer. The cup is a Chinese gaiwan, which is a bowl that is also a cup used for tea. In the image, I saw a cup that was also a basket made of bamboo. I watched as a cloth white napkin was folded and placed in the cup/basket. Afterwards, a hand presented a pretzel. It was placed on top of the napkin and presented perfectly.

The pretzel has an interesting history that I had not been aware of before. In the distant history of the Catholic Church, it is believed that monks would give children, who memorized their prayers, pretzels. The pretzel, looked like arms crossed in prayer. These soft, doughy pretzels were given to the poor, as a spiritual and literal sustenance. The pretzel represented luck (blessing), prosperity, and spiritual fulfillment.

As I watched this presentation, I was aware of the show quality. The process was meant to be seen. A presentation or ‘show’ is meant to draw attention to something or someone. In this case, it is meant to draw attention to the Lord. What does that mean? The Lord is going to show off. Where many have given lip service, but in their hearts do not know who he is, they are about to see. He is going to show how he will provide and take care of those who are his.

I have seen God provide for me over the years in many ways. He is faithful. As I was asking him what to include in this, I got Mt. 10:10 

‘no bag for the journey or extra shirt or sandals or a staff, for the worker is worth his keep.’

I believe there will be more of his people who will be living and walking in this verse in the days to come. (I would like to add, that I would never tell someone to quit their job and be a hippie. Mt.10:10 says the worker, not the gamer.)

Firebird

Two weeks ago, I woke up to an image of an old blue firebird on an asphalt road. The bird spread out over the hood was white. I noticed a chunk of asphalt that had been torn out on the right edge. One would expect to avoid a chunk out of the road. Instead, the car purposefully headed directly towards it. I stiffened at the thought of the bumpy jolt that would occur upon impact, and the unknown beyond that point. I then thought, ‘It’s going off the road’, but was corrected, “No, it’s going off the grid.” I then noticed the metal grid lines over the road. When I asked God what he meant, I heard that we were going ‘off of the traditional setup’. When I asked why, I heard ‘for divine setup’.

            This morning I woke up to multiple images made up of roads or city streets, politicians, big city businesses, news media, cable wires, and reporters. I believe there were government buildings as well. In one instance, Bernie Sanders was the reporter. As I looked and wondered what this was all about, I saw a crisscrossing grid superimposed over the images. I heard something like ‘gridwork’.

            For clarity’s sake, light blue represents the presence of God. The white fire-bird is the ‘fire’ of the ‘Holy Spirit’ spread out over the church. We all knew before the election that the one thing that we could expect is the unexpected. Don’t stop praying. God isn’t done. When did Jesus go to Lazerus? Keep praying. The battle is always fiercest on the threshold. God is igniting his people right now. I have had multiple dreams of the church and fire recently.

It is important also to watch our words. I had to repent of my words towards our last president, Obama, and over this nation. Speak life! Especially when there is so much hanging in the balance. It makes no sense to pray for wisdom, and then prophesy or decree with your words that he’s an idiot. Not to mention that we do not see what goes on behind closed doors. Our words carry great weight.

Like when God got Moses’ attention (a divine setup) and called him out of a burning bush, he has his people’s attention.

The Strategy of God

Sometimes following the direction of the Holy Spirit may not make sense at times. I imagine that is how the Israelites felt on multiple occasions after leaving Egypt. God did not develop the plan that he had for them on the go or by the seat of his pants. He didn’t wait until they were knee deep in it and think, ‘How am I going to get all these people through?’ or ‘What should we do next?’ His plan was developed long before the need was there. As God has leads me through challenging and unknown territory, Proverbs 3:5-6 come to mind.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

In the past several months, while in prayer, I’ve seen multiple images of God moving pieces on a chess board. I see him placing his people into position for what he has next. So when my daughter tells me about a show called, The Queen’s Gambit, my curiosity is peeked. Chess is a big part of this single season tv show. (I’ll let you look it up if you’re interested. It is TV-MA for bad language and drug use. I only watched the first three episodes, so I couldn’t say how it is past that.)

Right now we have pressing matters, in many personal lives and in the nation. As I watched the show and thought about the game of chess, I was reminded of how God is the master strategist. We can be sure that if he leads us somewhere, he has a plan to bring us through. We are guaranteed that as we trust and submit, he will make our paths straight.

Is it sometimes hard to trust? I have been there at times. Honestly, I have moments now. There are things and places that he has lead me into that have made no sense. Then I see him working through them. If you are having trouble trusting, ask for his help. You can also ask for others or myself to pray with you. Ask him to help you believe and be obedient to whatever he says.

14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. (1John 5:14-15)

He knows the chess board of our journeys like no one else. He knows what the opposition’s play will be, and he allows those plays to set us up for a victory that will bring glory to his name. I’m reminded of how it can look like an opponent has won, but then the other player comes in for the win. Stay in there. Don’t give up. Keep you eyes on him. A turn around is coming.

Partnering with the Lord

This week while praying, I mentioned to God again how strange it is, that he should desire our prayers. “What good are my prayers to you, really? What do we possibly have to offer you? Why would you want to partner with us?”

            An image of my step dad came to me. I remember going to visit in my early twenties, and he would be sitting at the kitchen table. Often, he would say, “Well girl, I was just about to go do some chores. Why don’t you come out and help me?” We both knew that I wasn’t much help at all. He and my mom lived on a small farm and had a few animals to care for.

My step dad asked for my presence, because he wanted to spend time with me. He’d take me out to the barn and show me his latest treasures from an auction, a new animal he’d gotten, or something that he did or planned to do. Sometimes, I did most of the talking. Other times, he did most of the talking. He’d tell me stories about his work, his younger years, or maybe my mom.

He could have waited to do these little chores without me, or left me to myself, but he chose to include me in a part of his life. He didn’t need my help. There wasn’t that much to do, and he didn’t ask me to do much more than accompany him or some small task.

God loves you. He wants to spend time with you. He loves to hear your voice speaking to him in prayer. He wants to share his heart with you and what he has planned. It’s okay if you do most of the talking sometimes, but he also wants to speak to you. Yes, he could do things on his own, but he wants to build relationship.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. (Mk. 1:35)

Collaboration

In college, one of the most memorable projects I had a part in was a ceramic mural for the school library. The collaboration was a work between a group of student artists with different ideas, styles, personalities, passions, and experience. Fortunately, our group didn’t butt heads too much. Still, when a group of individuals each have their own ideas of how something should be done, some ideas will get thrown out.

            Creators are often heard saying that their creations are their babies. Those creations can become dear to their hearts. It can become uncomfortable if not painful when the near and dear is removed or seemingly not valued. However, in a collaborative project, the finished piece would look cluttered if nothing was removed. To be cohesive, the elements coming together must have a visual harmony. Even good ideas were removed for the sake of the final work.

            Likewise, the human body is a collaboration of systems that work together for our good health and life functioning. When one of these systems has a problem, it can throw off our body’s ability to function properly. It can also throw off other systems. If left unchecked, in many instances, it can end our lives.

The Church, or the body of Christ, is a diverse group, and we are being called to unity. We are called to collaborate in building the kingdom of God.

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. (1Cor.12:12-14 NIV)

The Lord has been reminding me of the importance of relationships in the body. What he’s doing in the earth isn’t an individual thing, it’s a church body thing. He wants to bring us into oneness like we see in the Acts church. Church background doesn’t matter. Truth and relationship with Jesus and each other is what does. He isn’t coming back for a segmented bride, but for a spotless and perfect one. We are being called into the ultimate collaboration with Jesus and fellow believers, to build the kingdom according to the Father’s blueprints. He will not share his glory with another. I hope you will pray with me, for God to help us in this unifying. Many of us are not used to living life connected beyond the occasional. Independence has been a life long quality of mine, and I know I’m not alone.

Father, teach us how to live in a place of greater collaboration with you and each other. Help us to yield to you, as you place us where you have designed us to be to make the greatest kingdom impact. Create a greater oneness and heal the fractions within and between us. Bring glory to your name alone as we learn to truly collaborate.

Pentecost

(Acts 2:1-4) 1 ‘When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2 Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3 They saw what seemed like tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4 All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.’

            Last week when I read this, I saw not the gift of tongues as we have thought of it, but the ‘loosening of tongues’. I then sensed that we are about to receive this loosening of our tongues again. I felt that the Lord was saying that he is about to loose our tongues so that we can speak freely, and declare his marvelous works. This is a freeing of the church from fear of man on our words.

            (Acts 2:6) ‘When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken.’

            And 2:11, “we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!”

            For a long time the church, like other groups, have had their own way of talking, their own language. Different professions and groups, tend to have a different language that they speak in, for example medical staff, techies, artists, gamers, and on and on it goes. Sometimes this language seems foreign and difficult to understand for those outside of that group. I felt God saying that he is bringing new voices that speak different languages to the people in the language that they understand. They may sound and look different or foreign to what the church has come to know. Some may be offended by this, as it doesn’t look the way that they think it should.

With this, I also saw a breaking up and a dispersing all over. This doesn’t refer to the church as a body or unit being disjoined, but to placement. This may not necessarily be a reference to physical placement, but places where voices will be carried, possibly being spoken over airways or the written word. It looked similar to a puzzle, and all the pieces of the whole were moved outward throughout the nation.

Vs. 13, ‘Some, however made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine.”’ There will be scoffers and mockers. Be prepared. Pay no heed. Look to the Lord.

A day or two after this, I picked up a 2019 Idaho quarter with the words ‘River of No Return Wilderness’ upon it. The words were instantly highlighted to me. Not long before, during prayer time, I had seen a white river that separated into multiple streams. After that, I saw a wooden damn that was bulging out, and was about to burst. At the same time I felt a sense of fullness, as though I had just eaten a full meal, though I hadn’t. There was that feeling of, ‘not one more thing is going to fit in here’ or ‘if I eat one more thing, I’m going to burst’. The water from that damn would flow out into that river creating a mighty flow. That flow would then separate into multiple areas.

            When I looked it up, I found the ‘Frank Church-River of No Return Wilderness’. Frank Church’s name had been added to the name of the wilderness in 1984. In the dictionary frank means, ‘marked by free, forthright, and sincere expression’. It also means ‘to enable to pass or go freely or easily’. Frank was the adjective describing the church. I felt God saying that he is about to loosen the words of his people to flow freely, where our words have been inhibited by self-doubt, fear, and oppression of the enemy.

            The story of the River of No Return is interesting as well. Those who were transporting lumber down stream, were not able to travel back up to where they began, because of the harshness of the terrain. They built wooden boats, called sweep boats. Once they reached the end, the boat would then be taken apart. The wood used for the boat would be sold as lumber. Only very strong men would trek their way back up and do it again.

Here are some definitions of sweep,  ‘to clean by brushing away’,  ‘cause to move swiftly and smoothly’,  ‘affect (an area or place) swiftly and widely’, extend continuously in a particular direction’, and ‘a comprehensive search or survey of a place or area’.

            The boats, or way of transport would not make the return trip, thus where the name came from. The church is not only the Body of Christ, it is the way the Lord is transported in and through the earth. We are not returning to the place from which we came. The old way of doing things is no more. The church is not going back. We are in a new day. God is doing a new thing.

            This new thing is in its infancy stage, but this infancy will not last long. By leaps and bounds it will grow. Buckle up church, the damn is about to break.

Making a way

When I was in college, the second time, God carried me many times. I had six kids at home, and was in a very difficult marriage. It was so hard, I’m still amazed I made it. Lessons that God taught me in that time, he has brought back often.

            One of the most valuable lessons that he taught me, is his ability to overcome my inabilities. There was a class that I was having trouble with that was necessary to graduate. It felt like a technological interference. I had the pieces, but they just wouldn’t come together. I struggled with one project in web design that we had been working on for a several days. It was a compacted interterm class, a significant project, worth a good portion of my grade, and it just wasn’t happening. It was like looking at a bunch of gobbily gook, trying to remember all the codes. I was so frustrated, and under a huge amount of stress at home, and my mind was suffering for it on top of this. I knew myself enough to know that trying to struggle on through it was not going to help, but would just make matters worse. Before I went to bed that night, I gave it to God. I told him that there was no way it was going to happen unless he did it. I felt stupid, stressed, confused, and crushed. I did not see or know how he could possibly make me understand it, but that was the only way. There were many tears. I had come so far and now it seemed impossible. There wasn’t time to reschedule. It had to get done. I went to sleeping crying, but knew that if God wanted me to graduate, that he would have to do it.

            The next morning I woke up with complete clarity. I can’t explain how he did it, but I completely understood it. It actually seemed easy. That had never happened before. I got to school as quickly as I could to complete it. I knew everything that I needed. I not only did well, but got an A on the project, and then finally an A in the overall class. Boom! God showed up in a mighty way for me. It was not only then, but also many times that I would have a paper or something due and I couldn’t get it all done. I worked as hard as I could, but life wouldn’t allow it. I can’t tell you how many times I got to class in those times, and the instructor said that something came up and the due date was pushed back. Other times the instructor had to miss the class for some reason and the date was moved. It got to the point that I watched and expected it. He never failed me, not once.

             Today, I feel like I am in a similar place with my book as well as other areas of life. It feels sometimes with the battle, that I have been experiencing technological interference. There comes a time when I have to lay it down and wait for God to move in a big way. I know he will not fail me. I prophesy that the work will get done. His words will come forth. Perhaps he is just bringing me to that place of showing me again, that it’s not in me. It must be in him. He will bring us to places that we can not do in our own capabilities just so he can make himself known. It’s not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord.

            Sometimes we just can’t cut our to do list down anymore. God may have us doing more things than we have capacity within ourselves to do. If he wants a work done, whether we are in need of clarity or capacity he will make a way for that work to get done.